Facing a Loss

The Victorians had a set pattern of ritual for a widow/er; the wearing of black for a year and then grey, and later purple, this indicated a respect for the loss of a loved one. There was a vast etiquette to it all that meant there was no doubt in the minds of all who saw the person bereaved. I think they had the right idea; it certainly gave time to come to terms with a loss of a loved one.

Grief can cause so much distress, no matter if the loss is human or animal. The animal world also has the special gift of love that ties us to each other. A loss of freedom or a part of ourselves can also cause all the symptoms too. I know that the experience of an operation [the removal of an organ] can bring on the most fierce problems, this is also a form of grief. In these circumstances the help and loving kindness from the spirit world is so important, there is always a guide or helper ready to understand. 

When faced with the actual event and accepting the mourning of a loved one, a profound measure of strength and will takes over. There are so many variable situations involved when it comes to the death of an individual, but the key in this huge sea of despair and confusion is that physical death is not the end. That our loved one's soul still permeates this earth and is around us in spirit.

Sometimes I hear the phrase "Dead is dead", and it's interesting to note that in my line of work the non-believers and the believers will try equally hard to communicate to their loved ones left behind in the physical world, that life is eternal and goes on after we leave our physical bodies. Many a smile I've seen in church on the face of friends who hear from a skeptical loved one in spirit! This is what makes the job so worth while!

One of the basic laws of physics states that "Energy can be neither created nor destroyed, only changed in form." This means that we as energy, exist now, always have existed, and always will! We never really die we only change form.

If that is difficult to picture, try this: What is liquid, solid, and vapour at any given time?  Water! All that changes the basic substance is the conditions around it.

If we can see that simple analogy, then we can perhaps open our minds just a little to other forms of change that are also within the realms of possibility. We just don't know how it's done quite yet -if indeed it's ever going to be within our mental capacity!

We receive a great number of signs, symbols, and validations from those who have crossed over into spirit. They want to communicate with us as much as we do with them. But we need to open our minds to experience their efforts. Although we may no longer have the physical touch that we so desperately need to feel, we do have the ability to recognize when they are around us.

The reassurance that they are still in our lives is paramount to the healing process of grief and bereavement. Once we can achieve a state of acceptance that although they are no longer present in a physical sense, they are still with us in the spiritual sense, we can begin to reconnect those love and friendship ties, and live again with renewed hope and optimism - because there is no death - and we will meet again.

It is then possible to start the process of incorporating them into our lives from the spiritual realms, and so we might find that it helps to include them at family gatherings, events, birthdays and such, whether in mind or in a physical way, perhaps bringing their picture along and posting it at your next family get-together might help, or lighting a candle in their honor on their birthday or anniversary. Not in a maudlin sense - but an uplifting one. Carrying around a picture of a loved one in the wallet might be another way.

Acknowledging their presence creates the validation for them that we still recognize their existence, and that they are there with us in thought also. They will respond by letting you know in subtle ways they are there.

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Are my loved ones OK?

This is usually the first thing someone wants to know about his or her deceased loved one. Yes! They are in a better place and are in perfect, divine form. They will be relieved of the physical disabilities, and handicaps they may have had in the worldly life, but no special powers are suddenly bestowed.

Are they happy and content?

Most souls are happy after they have crossed into spirit. They lose some of the limitations they had here on earth, depending of their understanding of what to expect when they arrive.  Their spiritual new spiritual guides and helpers allow them to gather the energies to contact us.

Do they see me, and when are they around me?

Our loved ones are around us as and when they are needed, but especially when we have special moments in our lives; birthdays, celebrations, anniversaries, births, they are with us when we think of them. They are called to our presence when we need them. They witness all our triumphs and challenges. They are there sharing and enjoying the love and comradery of our families and friends just as they did when they were with us in the physical world. Please don't think that [as some silly people joke] spirit people are watching us have a bath! With love also comes respect.

Do they know how I feel about them?

They know exactly how you feel about them. Thinking of them in a loving way transmits loving positive thoughts and so makes things happen.

They can move into helpful action with the speed of thought. This isn't so difficult to understand we can do it too - think you are in a particular location and so you are, even if it's half way around the world. This may seem incredible until you consider the speed of such things as radio waves. These waves travel around the world at the speed of light - 186,000 miles a second; the equivalent of traveling four hundred fifty times around the world in one minute!

How do I recognize them?

There are many signs and symbols that your loved ones are near. It could be the phone ringing, and when you answer it, there appears to be no one on the other end - the lights flickering or turning on or off by themselves. A radio that turns on or off mysteriously on it's own - a butterfly that hangs around a window or door. Your pet staring definitively at something, yet nothing appears to be there.

Objects that come up missing, then found in a peculiar place. The feeling of a soft 'touch' somewhere on your body or a gentle tap on your shoulder, yet no one is there. A warm sensation somewhere on your body - hairs standing up on the back of your neck or arms - a rainbow in the middle of seemingly very dry day.

You turn the radio or TV on a specific song or show is on that has significance related to your loved one - a yellowish or golden glow around a picture or object of the deceased. Moving objects. Road signs, street signs, book titles, billboards etc that have hidden meanings at opportune times in your life, witnessing an apparition or vision of them, there vast and various ways that our relatives and friends will use to communicate to us that they are here with us and that they love us. A feather floats down from the sky ... I could go on and on ...

Do they speak to me?

There are ways to develop skills that God gave each one of us that will enable you to communicate with your loved ones. It involves learning to tap into the subconscious mind in a consciously controlled manner. The subconscious mind is the source of our subtle perceptions; it registers everything we encounter, both physical and spiritual. Accessing the subconscious is the key to more direct spirit communication, and meditation is one of the most effective means of awakening our perceptive abilities. Through our meditation we learn to shift our consciousness in a controlled manner, it's like day-dreaming state with someone putting things into your mind that are warm and loving.

Receiving messages from Spirit can be a real healing process. Connecting to your loved ones using a Medium can also be a very moving, emotional, and happy experience, though those suffering from the loss of a loved one are always advised to seek professional counselling first to assist in their grief. But you can also make that connection with your loved ones on your own.

This is a learned skill as any other. Everyone has this ability if they can take the time to learn. There are many books on developing your spiritual awareness. Check out the list I've provided at the top right hand side of the ‘Home' page for some of the book titles I have found most helpful.

Were they greeted by anyone when they crossed over?

Someone always greets our loved ones when they cross over in the spiritual realm. Most times a spouse or other family member or close friend who has gone on before them greets them. You can be assured that they ARE NOT ALONE. Aside from their family and friends who are already there, God is with them. He is a forgiving and ever-loving God, and no one will be left behind. God accepts and receives all!

Will I ever see them again?

As the answer to the previous question stated...they are there to greet and assist us in crossing over, just as others were there to greet them. So the circle of life goes on....

How do I let them know how I feel?

You need only speak to them, in thought and prayer. They will hear you.

How do I keep them in my life?

Physically we can place pictures and acknowledgments of them around our home, work place etc... Recognize their birthdays, anniversary's and death dates in prayer and /or ceremony. Spiritually we can talk to them frequently in our minds and acknowledge their presence in our life. They will do the same, and give you signs that they are near you and watching over you. Later when the practice of communication has been an ordinary part of our life for a while, the initial sting will seem less. This is not to say the memory is fading, no, this is the sure and certain knowledge that love is eternal and we are now able to act on that philosophy. 

Do they care about family feuds or disputes?

What may have been important to them in the physical world no longer holds the same pressing importance in the spiritual world, especially material possessions. They only care about the joy and happiness these possessions may bring to you or those who still exist in the physical lane.

Fights and disagreements are unnecessary in their eyes. Anything that comes in the way of love will be worked on to relieve any situation with love and kindness from their side of the veil.

There is no room for any of the ‘seven deadly sins' in the universal laws of spiritual existence. Love is eternal. Love is all that matters. God is love. God created us in his likeness. We too are love. What our loved ones see when they cross over is that LOVE and that's all that really matters, isn't it?

If a loss is causing a problem in your life - no matter who or what you have lost, you might like to consider having some help with coping. Hypnotherapy can help in most circumstances.

This works on the unconscious mind, for example we mentioned above that spirit people can communicate through the day-dream state of alternative awareness, so too does this special therapy do it's work, it talks to the mind in a way that is acceptable when the thinking part is over stressed and unable to take in peace and harmony.

 
Many people have the erroneous thought that hypnotherapy is tampering with folk's brains and making them behave oddly! This is an impression that has gained credence through the stage shows over the years.
 

The most important thing to remember is that professional therapists have ethics and laws to obey, and anyway it's not possible to make any person do anything without their permission, as I'm sure you have worked out for yourself the stage shows only take volunteers, and then they only pick out the most suitable - those who are ‘up for it' !!

From the webisitewww.hypnotherapy-in-norfolk.com

Grief and Seroious Illness

Well, there are many courses that a person can go on to learn the skill of coping, the web is full of them, and in the full throws of suffering any kind of grief I don't expect a person to start on that route.

What is needed is a guide to the lesser-beaten track of recovery, because that's what it seems to be, a lesser-beaten track. The well-beaten road to deeper grief is so attractive, and an upward path, seemingly steeper, is not attractive to the weakened and weary at heart.

Grief is a necessary process that we all go through to a greater or lesser degree. You've heard the old adage of methods to getting something moving, "the carrot or the stick"?  Reward is a great incentive!

The alternative aspect of loss without any kind of reward, can affect a person for years, think here of the paraplegic who only has in their own mind, more restrictions to expect. Seeking an end to it all is perhaps understandable, and we admire those who overcome such obstacles, and yet there are many kinds of bravery.

Loss of personal belongings in perhaps a robbery, even the whole house, through fire or flood, leaves a feeling of helplessness that can perhaps be blamed or attributed to another person or indeed an ‘act of God', and many have recorded a loss in faith through this course of thought, and feel resentments lasting for perhaps years, this can lead to complications when the inner mind has forgotten where the disharmony began.

So how do we cope with the far more damaging loss of a loved one, no matter what form that loved one takes? It might be a companion of many years, or a child here for just a brief moment, because the ties that bind are simply as strong the love that formed them, and we've all heard of ‘love at first sight'.

How do we deal with the loss of a trusted and faithful friend, one who has been with us through thick and thin, wordlessly and unconditionally devoted, giving tirelessly of much needed companionship? Regardless of how the loss has happened perhaps after a long and fruitful life, but even harder when one has to end their suffering ones self, for humane reasons.

Who but the experienced can even imagine these kinds of pain?

The Victorians had a set process of a widow wearing black for a period, then grey and lastly purple, and everyone knew what was happening and didn't make a social blunder, the custom of wearing black armbands in days gone by helped the onlooker to express much needed sympathy, but seems to have been lost in time.

So, the therapist helps by being a guide through the so-called ‘process' of grieving. I don't like that term ‘process' because it smacks of triteness and belittles the suffering, as if there is a time limit and we're all just waiting till the grief ‘wears off'.

A guide is a person who points the way, it's up to the traveller how fast they wish to move, and which direction they want to go in. Of course the job is to give best options according to the means and equipment, physical, mental and emotional that is on hand.

For instance the fit and positive person will set off with their guide in a very different manner to the exhausted and foot sore ill equipped stranger in a foreign land, they might even be positive simply through ignorance, and that can only carry us all just so far.

So the guide must be aware of dangers to the unwary, and be prepared to catch the faller before they hit the ground. The therapist who has travelled on this road already has the knowledge and experience to prepare the traveller, just as we would a new friend on hearing about a visit to uncertain climates.

"Don't forget your umbrella" might be a little simplistic, but you get the idea.

Loss and grief in the Traditional Chinese Medicine discipline has a well-tried and tested means to understand the links between mental, emotional and physical. When explained to the patient the surprise is most often evident, and releases comments like: "Oh, that's why my skin itches so!" And I mention this part of my training for good reason, knowledge and understanding is power - is empowering - to the willing learner on any path.

Hypnotherapy links the deeper unconscious healing process to the conscious desire to recover enough normality in ones life, without the unhappy experiences over-riding the joys remembered.

Healing through understanding how our inner self is able to continue with living.

Healing while the memories form into a kinder substance, gently wrapping us in that familiar love.

Healing at the same time as allowing the emerging, recovering new self to form.

Healing with a promise of better to follow when we are ready.

Hypnotherapy takes the guide and the patient on a journey that may go through sad and happy times, but always emerges with a new regard and respect for the God given ability of human kind to love and live again.  Amen to that.

You can read more about the Traditional Chinese Medicine connections between physical, mental and emotional on my website: www.acupuncture-in-norfolk.com

CANCER / Serious Illness

Cancer is a class of diseases in which a group of cells display uncontrolled growth invasion (intrusion on and destruction of adjacent tissues), and sometimes metastasis (spread to other locations in the body via lymph or blood). These three malignant properties of cancers differentiate them from benign tumours, which are self-limited, and do not invade or metastasise. Most cancers form a tumour but some, like leukaemia do not. The branch of medicine concerned with the study, diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of cancer is oncology.

Cancer affects people at all ages with the risk for most types increasing with age. Cancer caused about 13% of all human deaths in 2007 (7.6 million).

Cancers are caused by abnormalities in the genetic material of the transformed cells. These abnormalities may be due to the effects of carcinogens, such as tobacco smoke, radiation, chemicals, or infectious agents. Other cancer-promoting genetic abnormalities may randomly occur through errors in DNA replication, or are inherited, and thus present in all cells from birth.

Below you see a coronal CT scan showing malignant cancer of the lung sac.
1&3 lungs, 2 spine, 4 ribs, 5 aorta, 6 spleen, 7&8 kidneys, 9 liver. * Cancer growth

HYPNOSIS THERAPY AND COUNSELLING There is no evidence to suggest that having hypnosis therapy counselling will help treat or cure your cancer. Nor is there any convincing evidence that it will help prolong your life. But there is a lot of evidence that hypnotherapy and counselling can help you cope better with the many difficulties you face, during and after your cancer diagnosis and treatment. It can help reduce the stress you face and improve your quality of life.

We know from research that hypnotherapy can help some people overcome the depression and anxiety that any illness, and in particular cancer, can cause. There's also very strong evidence that certain methods of hypnotherapy can help people deal with phobias about having cancer treatments - such as having injections or being confined to a small space during an MRI scan.

Although some doctors and nurses may provide their patients with emotional and psychological support, many don't feel comfortable doing this, or they may feel they are not properly trained. Or they just don't have the time. Their main focus is on treating and curing your cancer. Of course, if you have cancer, this is very important. But many people are also worried about how they can cope with their illness and how it will disrupt their everyday life. Because of this, some cancer units now have a counsellor / hypnotherapist as part of their team.

A study published in the September 2004 issue of the Journal of Clinical Oncology found that regular counselling sessions helped women with stage 2 or 3 breast cancer feel more relaxed. There were 227 women on the trial. This was a randomised trial.  The women were put into 2 groups: either to have a simple psychological assessment, with no counselling sessions, or to have small group counselling sessions once a week for 4 months.

By carrying out regular blood tests, the researchers also found that the women in the counselling group had a boost in the activity of their immune system. The numbers of particular white blood cells called T cells increased. T cells are part of the immune system. Your immune system helps to protect your body against infection. It can play an important role in people with cancer because

• Cancer itself can weaken the immune system
• Cancer treatment can weaken the immune system
• The immune system may help to fight cancer
  

Although the results of this study are very interesting, the researchers admit that we need much larger studies to find out for suee whether hypnosis counselling does increase the immune system activity in people with cancer.

People have many reactions to cancer. You may feel fear, have strong reactions to changes to your body, or be anxious about treatment. Some people feel very angry, or find it difficult to cope with a feeling of loss of control. You may feel very stressed about having to cope with side effects of treatment, such as fatigue, pain or sickness.

Cancer can stir up many deeply personal issues such as consideration of your spirituality, sexuality and relationships. It may also affect your usual work and pleasure activities or your goals and ambitions.

Cancer may also cause financial strain. There may be conversations you need to have about financial support, mortgages and pensions or making a will. All these can cause family tensions or extra stress for you. There may be practical problems that others think are less important - but look anything but that from where you are sitting - such as transport problems or difficulty talking to your doctors.

It can help to talk through any of these feelings through with someone outside your friends and family. It helps to talk to someone outside your daily life because your friends and family may be too close to the issues to see them clearly and objectively. A counsellor may help you to find different ways of coping that hadn't occurred to you before.

It is understood that even remission and prospective re-occurrence have a background ‘white noise' of stress on the everyday lives of all concerned. The constant worry and fear can be most debilitating, and perhaps only those who have experienced the trauma of these worrying times, as I have, understand how living with long term illness has its own ‘knock-on' effects.

Cancer can also affect your family relationships. It may affect how to talk to your children, intimacy with your partner or lead to role changes within the family, if you are no longer able to fulfil the role you used to - even temporarily.