Memories and thoughts

I often have this quesstion from my students in the awareness and development classes.

"Why am I getting all these memories from childhood that I have forgotten all about?" they say.

Developing the spiritual self will release locked up things sometimes from long ago. Things that don't just cause us discomfort but also those of a teaching nature we might have forgotten.

Facing our own deeds and so taking responsibility for them is a natural part of the process of spiritual development and awareness.

But don’t forget it is also giving responsibility back to the true owner, that sadness that perhaps does not belong to us. This demolishes the guilt. This is true spiritual freedom.

Many times fear of something, or even habitual fear of the unknown, has given me the tight stomach and caused sleepless nights, but 'name that fear' and its hold is released! 

Childhood memories are recorded on the brain in the handwriting of that child, but are re-read with an adults experience, so can no longer have the same effect as all those years ago, thank the Lord.

One time I wandered down memory lane

But the restful thoughts that I sought,

Didn’t come to join me

They only stood back and taught...

Taught me that the memory

Has many ways to go,

Why only on paths where remembering’s not trod,

Will it often seem to go?

It’s not the time wasted in thinking

I’m getting quite used to that,

It’s the disturbance of pain, and the heartache

That’s causing my facia to crack.

I think the neat face that I put on

In times of my greatest need,

Will only crack up if I wander

Down that memory lane without speed.

To dash down and not look too hard

Is the way to cover my tracks…

But that’s not facing up to the problem

That's needed to mend forming cracks!

I’ve had all the advice and comfort,

I’ve had all the counsel that’s right,

But I can’t bring myself to acknowledge,

It’s in me that I have to fight.

Fight all the stuff that comes up

Time after time, after time,

I’m too tired to battle on longer

I’ll just let it come up with time.

Why didn’t I think of this earlier?

Why didn’t I do this before?

Those memories weren’t lurking to harm me

They only wanted some air!

The air of freedom and breathing

That’s not a child’s world viewed again,

But with an adult’s perspective

Seeing thoughts covered over with pain.

The child that remembered how horrid

The world could be to the small,

Will have no more anguish for me

It can hold me no longer in ‘thrall’.

The adult you see before you

Won’t cower with emotional fright

At the shadows and horrors of long ago,

But be brave when facing the nights.

For I have learnt to go into the memory

So that fear can no longer hold pain,

I’ve learnt to face the enemy

Of the haunting dreams, time and again.

It’s fear that’s the unwelcome enemy,

Its fear that makes the thing hurt,

It’s fear that needs that releasing...

There, I am no longer caught!

End.

[This is also in the poetry section.]