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A little
girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher
said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even
though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it
was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
A kindergarten teacher was
observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would
occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks
like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
"They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat
our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching
her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her
mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her
brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
hairs white, Mum?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say, "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael,
He's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher,
she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation
of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if
I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn
red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large
pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples."
It doesn't matter how many people you send this
to, just remember if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too
Why We Love
Children
1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd
found a cat, but it
was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked
her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,'
answered the child
innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and
went 'Pssst' and it
didn't move'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later......'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to
smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a
drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always
getting into mischief,
finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into
Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run
in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter
says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off
the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you
sleep with me
tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in
Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky
little voice:
'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning
service, for the
children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty
dress and, as she sat
down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a
very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the
minister's clip-on
microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a b---h to
iron.'
6. A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a
bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math
homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?'
the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next
day, 'What are you
teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning
addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say
two plus two, that
son of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
'What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
7. One day the first grade teacher was reading the
story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the
story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '... and
so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is
falling, the sky is
falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what
do you think that
farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think
he said:
'Holy Smoke! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes.
8. A certain little girl, when asked her name,
would reply, I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm
not.'
9. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go
outside and play
with the boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the
boys, they're
too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments
and asked,
If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'
Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to
someone else!
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